Spring Cleaning, True Confessions

Moving: Bearing Witness

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I believe that bearing witness is an important part of any purging process.  I’ve sat next to many people while helping them go through their things and make decisions, sometimes difficult ones, about what to keep and what to toss.

The challenge arises because we assign meaning and value to our “things” for any number of reasons, most of which are not based on logic and rationale, but rather from emotion or sentiment.  As a result, our “things” get intertwined with emotions and memories making it challenging to toss them when we need to make space, declutter, get ready to move, or move on.

I’ve come to understand the importance and appreciate the value of bearing witness to another’s purging process.  Or even to having my own purging witnessed.  Having another person there is important to validate the memories and emotions that we’ve attached to our things, some of which make it difficult to let go of the physical (or digital object), even though we can still retain the memory in our minds and bodies.

One afternoon a friend came over to help me pack.  That day I happened to be packing the contents of some shelves in my bedroom.  It was loaded with really personal things, some of which were from high school. I shared with my friend a journal from my teenage years containing a series of cartoons I had drawn with stick figures.  We laughed together over the drawings and captions.  My friend mentioned this was the real reason to have people over to help. It’s not just about the physical labor, but also about the emotional aspect of packing (or purging) that often needs a human witness.  Sometimes we need someone there to watch when we’re ready to purge as a way of moving on after a breakup or death.

Since I’m a regular purger, the whole process didn’t come with a lot of opportunities to reminisce and relive memories triggered by my things.  But then again, I only produced two bags of garbage and one medium-sized box of items to give away which made it more manageable in the frantic last few days before the movers came.

My kitchen cupboards, however, offered me some real opportunities to get creative with the contents resulting in some really odd dishes.  No reminiscing or witnesses necessary here! I think this would qualify as an exception to the rule.

Moving. Ugh.

Moving: Critical Tips

Moving: Lost & Found

Digital Dilemma, Social Media, True Confessions

Digital Emphasis & Weighting

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One thing I’ve grown to dislike about social media is the way in which it alters our perception of what makes something important.  When we are offered only a few bits of information, for example on somebody’s online profile, it skews how we perceive something, or someone.  Yet, if we had the opportunity to meet someone in person to learn all the things we know instantly from an online profile, we would likely form a different impression and make different decisions.

One night I was out with some friends.  At some point in the evening the conversation turned to dating and Tinder. A couple people at the table were using the app.  I was curious to try it.  One of the guys was nice enough to let me make some decisions on his behalf.

Tinder is a popular online dating app that makes picking a potential mate like a game.  Users create a profile by loading up pictures and sometimes write something small about themselves or what they are looking for. The user selects a proximity range and is then offered a profile of their preferred gender which s/he must accept (swipe right) or reject (swipe left) to get to the next profile.

While perusing the profiles and swiping I was really surprised how judgmental and critical I became based on a handful of pictures and a few sentences of text.  For example, one woman had terrible grammar in her profile description.  To me that was an immediate left swipe.  My personal feeling about people who can’t take the time to proofread their online profiles is that they are not worth my time.

However, if I really hit it off with a man I met in person and then sent me a message with a few mistakes, I would probably be more forgiving.  Whereas if the messages happened in a digital environment before meeting it would likely result in instant rejection.

The man who let me swipe for him told me he instantly rejected women who didn’t have at least two profile pictures. This is yet another example of how we place great emphasis and weight on small things to make decisions.  I also wonder how the volume of available options impacts our criteria.  Maybe if we had less options on dating apps we might be more generous towards people with bad grammar or only one profile picture.

 

Digital Dilemma

Evite vs. Invite

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Recently I was helping a friend put together her first evite (aka electronic event invitation).  While setting everything up I couldn’t help but remark on the awesome things evites offer that can’t be replicated with their physical counterparts.  Here are some of the many things I love about evites:

  • No stamps necessary
  • Takes minutes to create and send an evite
  • Received instantly, no worrying about invitations getting lost in the mail
    • Although sometimes it might go directly to somebody’s spam folder
  • Easy to send reminders/messages to invitees or attendees (e.g. if you still need responses)
    • With some evite apps reminders can be scheduled in advance to be sent at certain times (e.g. 1 week before the event)
  • Easy to add people and resend after the invitation was sent
  • Tracks attendees, no need to manage piles of RSVPs and create lists
  • Provides a map hyperlink to the event location
  • Easy to edit or correct mistakes in the evite
  • Easy to access the information when you’re out and about
  • Eliminates paper waste

On the flip side, there’s something nice about receiving a paper invitation in the mail.  Maybe it’s because we get so few pleasurable things via snail mail these days.  I have two friends getting married this spring.  Even though I knew about both events, it was still nice when to receive the formal invite in the mail.  Physical invitations include a lot of detail and tactile information that is missed in the evite. For example the weight of the paper selected, whether or not the ink is raised, handwritten touches, or embellishments adhered to the paper.

One set of friends hosted a small party for the bridal party and gave us all hand-crafted invitations, even though we’d all been asked verbally.  It felt special to be asked formally with a paper invitation, including a nice handwritten note, some homemade decorations, and a cool ribbon to tie everything closed.  These elements are largely absent with the evites.

Similar to ebooks, I prefer the evite over its physical counterpart because they’re fast, easy, and practical.  However, I do feel like we miss out sometimes.  When I’m going to an event I definitely want to have all the information available electronically rather than carrying around the paper.  On the other hand I also like the experience and anticipation of receiving a physical invitation.  These days it feels like a real novelty.

 

 

 

 

Deletion, Gmail, Google

Swiping Action

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What does swipe action mean?  

Swiping offers us humans a way to process things quickly on our smartphones, or tablets, by moving our fingers in a certain direction over the screen.  On most devices and apps swiping corresponds with an action (e.g. change screen, delete, archive, next, etc.). In some settings the swipe can be customized to reflect the actions you use the most.  This is definitely something worth exploring with apps you use frequently as it can save time and effort.

When I first started using the Gmail app on my smartphone a few years ago I felt annoyed that the default action for swiping was Archive, especially since I didn’t really understand what Google meant by Archive.(Read about what it means here.)  At that time there was no way to change this.  Sometime last year I discovered that the default swipe action can now be changed to Delete.

The Gmail app will come with Archive as the default action because everything is geared towards having us save as much as possible, all the time.  Here’s how to change it, in case you’re interested.

Go to settings in your Gmail smartphone app.  If you have a lot of folders, or labels, you will need to scroll all the way to the bottom of the list to find Settings.

  • Select Settings and then General Settings.  (Image immediately following.)
  • Select the first option: Gmail default option
  • When the popup box appears, select Delete (See second image below.)

Select the first option: Gmail default action

Select the first option: Gmail default action

 

 

Option to select Archive or Delete as the default swipe action.

Option to select Archive or Delete as the default swipe action.

 

How is this useful in Gmail?

When I’m looking at a list of emails in my inbox, if I place my finger on a particular email and swipe right, the email will be deleted by default.  (This is contrary to the “swipe right” reference on Tinder, which is when somebody is saying “yes” to match with a profile.)

It makes it super fast for me to process emails, especially promotionals or social notifications, most of which I know can be deleted without even opening the message.  In case you make a mistake, or get a little swipe-happy like me, and accidentally delete something, an UNDO option is offered immediately.  Or you can restore it from the Trash folder for about 30 days.

Happy swiping!

Spring Cleaning, True Confessions

Moving. Ugh.

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I moved in January.  I always find moving equal parts excitement and annoyance combined with a healthy amount of stress.  It’s not just the physical effort involved to relocate my things, moving also requires addresses to be updated, plus time spent going through everything.  I had already invested time and energy preparing my things in anticipation of moving, since I had desperately been wanting to move for months. In the weeks leading up to the move my ego was interested to see if the stress and annoyance would be reduced simply because I had already been preparing for months.  Plus, I aim to be a minimalist and I figured moving was the perfect time to put my methods to the test.

I rented reusable plastic tubs from a company named Frog Box.  They eliminated the time needed to assemble/disassemble cardboard boxes and waste.  I also hired movers for the steep 3-floor walkup.  My first hurdle was ordering the right number of tubs.  The orders came in three sizes: Minimalist, Regular, and Collector.  I wanted to order Minimalist and stand by my delusional beliefs about my habits, but I went with the Regular and added in two wardrobe boxes.  Time limit: Sat Jan 2 – Monday Jan 11, 9 days.

The 2-bedroom regular order: 35 large tubs, 5 small tubs, plus two additional wardrobe boxes.

The 2-bedroom regular order: 35 large tubs, 5 small tubs, plus two additional wardrobe boxes.

The packing went fairly smoothly.  I packed for a few hours each day.  Fortunately my mother flew in to help me for the last couple days before the move.  I was one step away from throwing things into tubs.  The tubs piled up.  Everywhere!  Despite my best efforts to stay organized, it seemed like there was always one more thing that needed to be packed.

One lonely shelf discovered unpacked minutes before the movers arrived!

One lonely shelf discovered unpacked minutes before the movers arrived!

Throughout the process I kept wondering “do I have a lot of stuff?”  I felt self-conscious that I needed almost 40 tubs to hold all my possessions, plus all the furniture and other bulky items stored separately.  However, many of the tubs only had a few things in them (e.g. food processor or blankets) and were easy to unpack.

Tubs in Progress

We only had 3 days to empty all the tubs so we had to move fast, even though some things didn’t have a proper home.  I noted the order in which I emptied the tubs to see if it would be the inverse of how I had packed them.  It wasn’t.

The move was annoying, but overall it did feel less stressful and less time consuming than previous times.

Moving: Lost & Found

Moving: Bearing Witness

Moving: Critical Tips

Moving: Panic vs. Proper Packing

Moving: Dealing with Transitions

Moving: Facing the Moment of Truth

Digital Dilemma, Digital Photos

Digital Distortion

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Some weeks ago on the subway 3 tween-aged girls sat next to me.  One girl was beside me.  One girl was sitting on the third girl’s lap in two seats perpendicular to the ones I was in only because she had spotted what she deemed “the largest pube she’d ever seen” on one of the seats and had refused to sit in it.

I watched in fascination as the horrified girl whipped out her phone to capture and memorialize the moment. Clearly this is the kind of thing one wants to remember.  After a stop or two, the girl on the bottom pushed the other one off and moved to the other seat right on top of the large pube!  The first girl squealed in disgust as the other one sat down on the seat while mumbling it wasn’t really a pube and to get over it.  Within seconds the incident was forgotten, except that it had already been captured with a photo and maybe even a posting.  I can’t help but think this girl’s immediate reaction to memorialize something gross gives the errant hair greater importance than it deserves.

As a regular public transit user even I get grossed out by something once in a while.  However, I can’t recall a single time when I wanted to document it, especially if it was something really ordinary like hair, gum, or a spilled drink.  Most of the time I’m trying to forget the annoying, disgusting, and sometimes traumatic things that happen to me (and others) on public transit.  I certainly don’t want to retain images of gross subway things, even if they did cause a moment of hilarity, laughter, or discussion with somebody else.

When we look back at our lives, and even the way we form our memories, I keep thinking about how easy it is to record things digitally.  In some ways, I think that gives us a distorted sense of what was really important.  Sometimes when I’m really enjoying myself, I’m too caught up in the moment to think about capturing it. Maybe there are times where we take a picture of something thinking that it will be the most important, most life-changing thing EVER and we will always want to remember it.   Then in reality it turns out to be a harmless piece of hair on a seat, instantly forgotten the minute somebody sits on it.