Social Media

Is There a Future for Online Dating Apps?

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Last week I heard an interesting interview with Whitney Wolfe Herd by the Lulu Garcia-Navarro. For context, she helped to found Tinder in 2012. Shortly after, she left Tinder and founded Bumble, another online dating app. Bumble’s design lets women make the first move by initiating conversation with men they find attractive.

In recent years, Bumble has not been doing well in terms of finances and slow growth on the app. After taking a year off, she recently returned as CEO with plans for a new direction. There will be emphasis on getting people off their phones to connect with others in person at local events. Other plans include using AI to suggest finely tuned matches. These matches will occur based on quizzes and questionnaires members fill out, combined with some kind of algorithm in the back making the “magic” happen. Therapists and relationship experts will help design the input questions. Also discussed was the availability of human dating coaches on the site to provide advice that doesn’t come from a chatbot.

I haven’t used an online dating site in almost 10 years. I’m also not opposed to idea of using AI to help match people faster and more accurately. When using online dating sites, I often felt overwhelmed, bored, and irritated at having to scroll through so many profiles to get a couple that seemed interesting. Having AI generate a few quality matches to explore sounds like a promising feature. Providing real-world opportunities for human connection sounds like the most encouraging advancement.

However, no matter how sophisticated AI might seem in creating matches, nobody has figured out how to use it to match chemistry. This is a critical factor for dating and coupling up with others. I’ve ended dates early because I don’t like the way my date smelled. Some years ago I had a custom perfume created with AI based on some inputted data. Though I would personally feel creeped out to do it, I’m sure there is a way for these online dating apps to sample and match chemistries.

But in the end, there’s only so much the AI can do. After all, a lot of other factors come into play beyond smell and values. More than can be matched with quizzes, questionnaires, endless swipes, and complex algorithms churning away in the background.

Productivity, True Confessions

Digital Calendar Dilemmas

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I’m definitely somebody who lives by my calendar. I used to love using a pocket-sized paper planner. My favorite style was the Quo Vadis Sapa, with the weekly view. One feature I enjoyed was being able to see a 12-month spread by flipping to front of the planner. Other things I liked included knowing how much time had passed. For example, every week indicated the number of the day out of 365, and how many weeks had passed since Jan 1. It seems trivial, but I noticed.

Over 10 years ago, I switched to a completely digital calendar. I did this rather reluctantly, I might add. Although the paper planner was quick and easy, the reliance on digital invites made it start to feel impractical. Many invites and appointments now provide an option to add to my calendar seamlessly. Most times this also includes important details such as location, or a link, if the event is virtual. Way easier than rewriting everything in a paper planner.

Today I read an article about families that use Skylight, a customizable, touch-screen calendar. The design makes it easy for families to share and view what everyone else is doing. It can also help with chores, tasks, planning, etc. However, my big question is, can the calendar really help families with all the planning and organizing? I personally feel the effort of creating a calendar style that worked for my family would outweigh the benefits. Then there’s the challenge of making sure everyone in the family fills it out! Otherwise that can also defeat the purpose.

Although I’d like to think I can keep everything organized with a calendar, or task management system, the reality is a lot of details still remain in my brain. Then I’m stuck with a dilemma of the effort and time to add every tiny thing to the planning. Or assume some things are part of the routine and understand they will never be on the planner. I’ve been blogging weekly on The Deletist since June 2013, around the same time I switched to a digital calendar. However, I never record anything in my calendar about writing and posting my blog. Rarely I’ll add “write blog post” to a task list. But mostly, it’s been a part of my routine for so long I know I’ll do it.

True Confessions

The Economy of Words

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Last week I listened to an interview with Isabel Allende. Last year my book club read Violeta. I liked it so much I read The House of Spirits, her first novel. I’ve slowly been making my way through Paula, one of her more well-known novels chronicling the death of her daughter. The topic is heavy and sometimes the writing is dense, making it tough to read quickly.

In the interview, I was surprised to hear about Allende’s long relationship writing letters with her mother over decades. By her estimate, she thinks the collection of their letters is around 24,000! In my younger years, before texts, messaging apps, emails, and video calling, I used to write letters to people. I also used to prepare packages to send to loved ones whom I didn’t see often.

According to Allende, letter writing is a lost art. What struck me most listening to her talk about letters is how often we write quick, short messages, even though technology affords us the ease of writing as much as we want. Instead, we prefer to dash off a hurried note, full of slang, abbreviations, and emoji to convey our thoughts. Some people only write “k” now instead of “okay” or “ok.” I think two letters is already pretty short, but yet it gets reduced further.

I use a special app that monitors certain aspects of my writing. It’s similar to a grammar or spelling check, but instead focuses on things like inclusive writing, passive voice, sentence length, and starting words. One of the flags is for paragraphs longer than 150 words! For some authors, that’s only part of a sentence. I’ve noticed in older books that sometimes one paragraph lasts longer than one page, routinely. What would those authors think of the 150 word restriction on a paragraph?

It’s curious to think about why we use less words, shorter sentences, and reduced paragraphs when it’s so easy and inexpensive to write as much as we want. Before my time, sending telegrams used to cost a lot of money and take time to prepare. It made sense to have a short, abbreviated message. Now, we don’t have those excuses, and yet, we still reverted to minimal words. I suppose it’s because now we receive so many messages from so many places we’re trying to reduce the load where we can.

Digital Dilemma

Ordering Old-School Style

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During a weekly orchestra rehearsal, I observed one musician ordering seeds when she wasn’t playing. I watched in fascination as she placed a paper catalog on her stand along with a paper ordering form! I’m so accustomed to ordering everything online and from the tiny confines of my smartphone screen. I forgot we used to fill out paper forms manually and place the orders through snail mail.

While counting rests in the pieces, I kept glancing over to chart the progress, line after line filled out in handwriting. In some ways, paper is still a great way to place orders. It allows the customer flexibility to review products, then seamlessly enter the product number on the form. Although the digital version also creates an easy experience, the customer bounces between the catalog and shopping cart.

When I shop online, it’s irritating that some screens change to the cart with every item added. This requires me to hit the back button or select the continue shopping option. I’m constantly toggling between the catalog and my order, rather than viewing both side by side. Of course some of this is due to limited screen space on a phone. Though admittedly, the big perk of online ordering is the ability to track purchases. This is tricky to do once a paper form is mailed.

I left rehearsal that night trying to remember how I figured out things before internet and smartphones. For example, while listening to the radio, the program mentioned tickets were going on sale for a famous artist. In today’s world, I would use my phone to search for the artist, check dates, and buy tickets instantly. But before internet, I think I relied on hearing things advertised, from friends, and by reading local publications. And how did I buy the tickets? I think I used to go to designated ticketing booths with restricted hours to purchase the tickets in person, probably with cash.

I’ve always been a fan of old-school bulletin boards. I enjoy being able to see a whole bunch of things advertised in one place. I still find myself stopping to review bulletin board content. Now I can combine this with the magic of my smartphone to look up more details by scanning a QR code! It’s like having the best of both worlds available.

Digital Dilemma

Hearing Impressions

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This past weekend I went to get a new pair of musician’s ear plugs. My current pair is over 15 years old. They’re looking kind of cruddy, definitely not like something I would want to put in my ears. For context, musicians ear plugs are a custom fit, containing a decibel-reducing filter. The difference between musician ear plugs, and the drug store kind, is that the former allows me to retain the full range of sounds with a reduced volume. Drug store ear plugs muffle out the high register sounds.

After my new modern experience getting orthotics, I was excited to see how the ear plug experience might differ. When I got my first pair in 2008, I distinctly recall the unpleasant experience of having some kind of goo squirted in my ear to make the impression of my ear canal. I had a feeling, I might need to go through something similar.

The appointment included a free hearing test. To begin, the audiologist turned a monitor towards me. Then she showed me my ear drums. I had never seen them before. It was amazing! After the physical inspection, she checked the flexibility of my ear drums. While watching the monitor, she put some kind of instrument in my ear to measure. It was neat watching the test happen in real time.

Next I sat in a sound-proofed room with some kind of plug in each ear. In my hand I held a button to press every time I heard a pitch. Immediately following the exam, I got to see the results the charted on the same monitor. Each ear had its own color so I could see the comparison. Fortunately, everything is still normal, no hearing loss yet, though one ear was starting to dip down a little in the normal range.

Then… came the goo in my ears. The modernizing only went so far. This part was very similar to my first experience, except for one big difference. This time the audiologist presented me with many different styles for the ear plugs. There were three different silicone textures with lots of color options. I selected two colors for a swirled style.

Next time, I’m hoping they can use a tiny camera to image my ear canal for the mold instead of using the goo. Even so, it still ended up being a fun appointment.

Human Archives

Paris Style

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A year ago my favorite aunt passed away. Though in her 80’s, the event happened suddenly. She’s been on my mind a lot lately. Oddly, I have almost no photos of her or digital traces you might expect in today’s social media heavy world. Our relationship existed almost exclusively in analog. Perhaps that’s part of what made it so special and memorable for me. Neither of us knew the other’s birthday, though we each had a vague idea of the month. We emailed occasionally, but usually if we spoke it was on the phone or in person. Since our digital history is low, I cherish my memories of our fun adventures and the valuable life lessons I learned from her.

For a brief period of time, taking and printing digital photos was my aunt’s hobby. I probably have the most pictures from that time period. However, she mostly took pictures of me. Even after she died, I could only find a nice printed photo of us from 2002. She and my uncle were living in southwestern France for a few months on a work trip. I went to visit them for a couple of weeks.

From this trip to France, we created one of our longest traditions, one that still makes me chuckle. I had recently spent a semester abroad in Paris. While preparing for her trip, I explained to my aunt that the French greet each other with kisses. Learning this custom had been tricky for me. Every region kisses a different number of times, but I never knew what that number was. I also never seemed to lean my head in the right direction when receiving kisses creating a lot of awkward moments.

Based on my experiences, she decided to practice. We settled on 4 kisses, the maximum, and declared it “quatre, à la parisienne” (roughly translated to “four kisses, paris style). After a few rounds, always quick with the witty replies, she exclaimed, “I’m going to get whiplash every time I greet someone!”

I saw her for the last time in late 2023. We hadn’t seen each other in over 4 years and she had some signs of dementia. But when we saw each other a reflex kicked in. We did our elaborate kissing greeting, quatre à la parisienne, as though no time had passed.